On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant who knows absolutely nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
“Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir,” says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are those?”, asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees,” replies Tiger.
“Well, what on this god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman.
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger.
“The Devil you say”, says the Irishman, “Mercedes thinks of everything!”
A Note From Kaylin…When I first established my goals as a self-published author, creating a trilogy was at the top of the list. Two years ago, I completed the first book in the Threads series with Severed Threads and was excited to receive exposure through a virtual tour, which lead to favorable reviews, numerous blogs and personal interviews. Although it’s been a long time coming, I’m excited to officially announce that Buried Threads will soon be following…according to my team of diligent editors. As they say, we all learn from our mistakes and rather than expose my readers to annoying errors overlooked by a single editor, I’ve taken a little extra time with this book to ensure its accuracy. So I ask all of you to please be patient. I’ve been told that before the month is over, you’ll be able to pick up a copy at Amazon.com as well as other book outlets. In the meantime, I have six free autographed copies available on a Goodreads contest which ends on October 31st. Want one? Sign up and you just might be a lucky winner!
I also owe you an apology for not posting a Summer newsletter. The last four months have been very busy and included trips to San Diego, Istanbul, the Greek Islands, Hawaii and Kyoto, Japan, which is the city where Buried Threads takes place. We took lots of photos, so keep an eye out for them on my blog in the next two weeks. Also, be sure to visit my website to read an excerpt and see a video “teaser” for this latest release. I always welcome feedback and would love to hear what you think.
As I’m sure you’re aware, time is flying by and October is nearly half over. Surprisingly, we’re experiencing some late summer weather on the west coast, which I’m sure delights fellow Oregonians. I hope you have a fabulous month as well and that your plans for the upcoming holidays include visits from family members and dear friends.
On the Lighter Side:
I recently purchased an iPhone 5 and have heard all kinds of funny stories about responses to inquiries from its personal assistant. People have used it as much to provoke witticisms as they have to find out the population of China or the location of the nearest Thai restaurant. In other words, Siri may not always be all that helpful, but she’s become an amusing party trick.
Some of the most common questions are based on classic science-fiction movie lines from 2001: A Space Odyssey. “HAL, open the pod bay doors” is a favorite and others rely on ancient philosophical queries. As a result, websites have sprung up around Siri’s crazy remarks. There’s a Tumblr site called “Shit That Siri Says” and a collection of Siri posts called sirifunny.com you might enjoy checking out in your free time.
As you might imagine, Siri doesn’t always understand what I say. Like E.T. or WOPR, she’s sometimes at a loss when the question has nuance. But one of the funniest I’ve experienced while using this silly feature on my phone is the answer you receive when you say, “Talk dirty.” She comes back with, “Humus. Compost. Pumice. Silt. Gravel.” I have to chuckle because what else would you expect from molded plastic, wires and a microchip??
Kaylin’s Favorite Recipe:
Loaded Potato Soup
As in all my newsletters, I thoroughly enjoy sharing some of my best recipes…so here’s a tasty, heartwarming soup – a perfect solution for those chilly fall nights.
1. Pierce potatoes with a fork. Microwave on HIGH 13 minutes or until tender. Cut in half; cool slightly.
2. While potatoes cook, heat oil in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Add onion; saute 3 minutes. Add broth. Combine flour and 1/2 cup milk; add to pan with 1 1/2 cups milk. Bring to a boil; stir often. Cook 1 minute. Remove from heat; stir in sour cream, salt, and pepper.
3. Arrange bacon on a paper towel on a microwave-safe plate. Cover with a paper towel; microwave on HIGH for 4 minutes. Crumble bacon.
4. Discard potato skins. Coarsely mash potatoes into soup. Top with cheese, green onions, and bacon.4-6.
Great Seasonal Tip:
It is a popular bird feeding myth that leaving bird feeders up during all migration will stop birds from migrating, condemning them to a cold death as winter sets in. In reality, feeders give migrating birds an easy and convenient spot to refuel on their long journey, and offering foods high in fat and oil will help tired birds replenish their energy reserves in a nutritious way. Suet, black oil sunflower seed and Nyjer are some of the most popular fall bird foods, and leaving leaf litter on the ground will give birds the opportunity to forage for nuts and insects as well. Trees and shrubs with berries or fruits are another vital source of food that will attract autumn birds and keep them coming back.
Well, that’s it for now. Enjoy the gorgeous colors of autumn, continue to read great books, and keep the sunshine forever in your heart!
1. You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil’s pets.
2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to “Stay still.”
3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
4. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, “Step right up and give it whirl!”
5. You’d rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
6. You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
7. You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
8. Your catch phrase is, “Never again.”
9. You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
10. Your new response to “Good morning,” is “Be quiet!”